My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
