Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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