We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
