I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize