i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
