you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
