Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
