I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
