Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
