Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
