2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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