dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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