A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
