I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
