1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
