i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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