How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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