I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
