take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
