I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
