absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
