Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
