It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
