Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
