Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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