and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
