Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
