my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She announced her abortion via fbk
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
