I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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