I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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