she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
