now i know why i became what i already was.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
