Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
well you can't waste a boner
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
