I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
