it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
