Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
