I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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