So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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