Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize