Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
