hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
