so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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