He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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