It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
