Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
