Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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