He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
