This girl is more easily done than said...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
