u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
