I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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