I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
