I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
