i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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