don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
