in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
