Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
