Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
