its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
