oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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