I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
