I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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