But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
