Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
