I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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