ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
When are your genitals available?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
