Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You know, be my cock's hype man.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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