Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just cropdusted the office
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
