You're so nebulous sometimes
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
