I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
