What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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