I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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