there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
